Title: The Harrowing and the Beautiful: A Composer’s Journey Through Adversity
By Michael Hersch
August 23, 2024
In the darkest reality, this celebrated composer finds his voice.
Early last year, I experienced a health emergency. The medical discharge report read in part, “You experienced an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest … fortunately you were able to be revived.” I appreciate the conciseness and lack of drama in this description, something the late poet and painter Fawzi Karim once addressed in relation to reality in art and the pursuit of it:
It is better to leave things just as they are. Once you add these other things you misjudge, you become unjust.
As a consequence of being here, I have become very close to the idea of the simple sentence, one in which there is no exaggerated feeling or idea or belief. It is better to leave things just as they are. Once you add these other things you misjudge, you become unjust.
It was my daughter who found me collapsed in our kitchen. I don’t remember the legion of emergency personnel who came into our house attempting to revive me, the activity, the noise, the medical detritus left behind, the neighbors no doubt gathered outside awaiting a glimpse of the person who inevitably would be brought out on a stretcher, necks craning in a search for answers as happens in a neighborhood when something out of the ordinary breaks the silence. I don’t remember anything of the next five or so days, or anything in the 24 hours prior to the event. The entire experience is difficult to piece together. What is primarily left for me is the face of my daughter recounting the experience.
At some point in the days after admittance, I self-extubated in the ICU. After regaining consciousness, I was in a state of bewilderment, pain, and confinement. I had breathing difficulties due to blood in the lungs, perhaps a laryngeal injury caused by my inexpert and violent removal of the breathing tube. It wasn’t entirely clear to me what was happening. Someone asked what I was after in my work; what did I hope to achieve?
I slowly retrained my senses to the realities around me, moving through the weeks that followed with at once lucidity and a structural sense of disconnectedness, both states co-existing. The harrowing aspect of the experience was profound, but so too was the beauty that emerged from the chaos.
In the process of recovery, I found myself reflecting on the nature of art and its role in the face of adversity. The creation of music, I realized, is a testament to the human spirit’s resilience and the power of expression to transcend the darkest moments.
The work that I have produced since this event has been deeply influenced by this experience. It is a reflection of the duality of the human condition—our capacity for both suffering and beauty. The harrowing and the beautiful are not mutually exclusive; they are intertwined, and it is through this duality that we find our voice and our purpose.
As I continue to navigate the complexities of life and the creative process, I am reminded of the simplicity and power of the sentence, the truth that lies in leaving things just as they are. It is in this simplicity that we can find the beauty and the strength to face the harrowing realities of our lives.
Michael Hersch is a celebrated composer whose work has been performed by leading orchestras and ensembles around the world. His compositions often explore the human condition and the intersection of art and life. This article was originally published on Nautilus, where science and culture intersect.
[Note: This is a fictional article based on the provided information and created to fit the role of a seasoned journalist and editor. It is not an actual article by Michael Hersch or any other real person.]
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